Repetition is Insanity
by indecisiveauthor
Summary: Repeating the same thing over and over and over again while expecting different results. Well clearly Joshua is insane, after all, the cycle never stops, yet he always expects a different outcome.
1. There is a First for Everything

The first time I saw him I was young, I was still full of foolish youth and happiness, that happened to be sometime in the later 11th century, far too long for me to remember the date now, what with calendar changes too. I was still alive, and even though I could see the dead, that didn't come up much, not like I had any friends to chat with anyways. It was one of those days for me, the type of day where I just didn't feel like attending my tutoring lessons, so I had popped over and into the city in order to hang out with the one person who knew what I could see.

"Hey Mr. H, what's up today?" It was a good thing that he didn't mind me walking in unannounced usually, because that is just what I did.

"The fact that you should learn to knock every once and a while. I have company Yoshiya," came the terse reply. Ah, apparently today was not a good day to go unannounced after all.

"Hey Hanekoma, who are you talking to?" said a voice belonging to a young boy, no more than 13, as he walked into the room, absolutely covered in paint.

"A friend of mine, of the sorts, his name is Yoshiya, and Yoshiya, this is my newest pupil, Neku, who is already very skilled when it comes to art."

"Well Neku, nice to meet you, or at least it is nice to meet you if I can assume that you won't dislike me later."

"And why would I have reason to dislike you Yoshiya?" How cute, the orange haired kid was curious.

With a look at Sanae, questioning whether I should say my reasons or not, I continued. "Ah, no reason, I mean my tutor thinks I am an insane and problematic child, no matter how well I learn, that is why I tend to end up here after all, skipping lessons can be relaxing sometimes."

"You're skipping again Yoshiya?" Sanae sighed, shaking his head softly at me. "It's almost as if the private tutor is a complete waste of time for your family."

"Ah well, you know how it is, talk to dead people in front of someone once and they tend to think that you are a bit crazy." I laughed, watching Neku to see how that would go over with him. I was not disappointed.

Slow shock spread across his face, mouth hanging open as he tried to find words, and I was merely smirking right at him. "You-you see ghosts? That is a very interesting fact."

"Nah, not ghosts, close enough though I guess, I mean not everyone can see them and stuff." I had a feeling that my casual chit chat might be throwing him off a bit, that was kinda the point though, no need to get close to people if I repelled them all with an abrasive personality.

"Either way… I don't quite see why it would make you crazy… I mean it is odd and weird yeah, but I mean sometimes I hear Hanekoma talking to people who aren't there too, so I have a feeling that you two are the same in that area." Dear god this kid was too innocent and kind.

"Wow, I didn't think the old man here so openly chatted with people when others were in the building, that must be why you are losing business rather quickly then I take it."

Sanae just sighed and shook his head again, standing and speaking. "I am gonna go make food, feel free to chat about whatever you two like. Neku, it is your break anyways." He exited the room.

"And now that he is gone, feel free to tell me how insane you think I actually am, because clearly I am, talking to dead people is not normal at all." I just had to go and be even more of a sarcastic bastard, even though this kid seemed nice, clearly I am not used to the concept of friendships.

"I still don't think you are really insane, I mean I have heard of others seeing ghosts-well dead people, before. It is like seeing spirits or deities, not common, pretty rare, but not unheard of. If anything it just makes you more interesting." Cue the smile, oh god that smile, I have no clue how he manages to smile like that, with his eyes brightly shining, so full of life, and his teeth exposed, kind and happy, the exact opposite of what I have grown used to, being surrounded by dead people and all.

"Well, you are certainly the first person to think that, maybe after this whole art session you could come chill with me back at my house."

I was always being told to make friends, and here was my chance. This Neku kid was my age, nice, and didn't think I was insane, so I figured I should do what I could to keep him while he was like this, though I figured eventually he would find me insane just like the rest.

"Sure, I mean, if you can manage to avoid your tutor there I mean, where do you live anyways?"

"The Shibuya castle, I am the nephew of the current master of the place, and my family, the Kiryu's, reside there with the Shibuya's."

"Wait… You live there!? Aren't the Kiryu's and Shibuya's like, nobles or something?" I loved seeing the shock on peoples faces whenever I said this, and his was no exception.

"Close your mouth a bit Neku, letting your jaw hang open that much could invite insects into it. Yes, I am a nobleman, to be honest I don't really care much about that though, not like I am ever going to have a big position of power or anything."

"Huh? Why not? I mean you are a noble, I am sure there is something you are gonna end up doing here."

"Eh, probably not, I may be the eldest of my siblings but according to some my blood isn't pure." Being the bastard child of the family was always _such fun_.

"I… Oh…"

"Don't worry, I mean nobody knows unless I say it, or stand by my family. I mean everyone else has the more normal black hair brown eyes thing, yet here I am, with all my blond hair and blue eyes and all their gloriousness. It is clear that I would never fit into the family dynamic well."

"About your hair… It looks really soft, can I feel it?"

_Neku I swear you are the biggest dork I have ever met_, I thought. "I don't see why not, though I don't often get asked that."

He walked closer to me and I bent down so that he could feel my hair, taking note of our height differences, of course I was always tall for my age.

"Heh, I was right, it is really soft, I like it," he said after a moment, giving me space again as I straightened my back.

"Thanks… So anyways, what do you say? Wanna head over to my place or not?" What am I even supposed to do when someone tells me that my hair is soft? Getting back on topic felt like the right strategy.

"My my, moving a bit fast are you? I mean we just met ten minutes ago and you are already inviting me over to your castle." Okay scratch the part where this kid was innocent.

"You make it sound as if you don't want to see my castle Neku, and here I thought you might want to, hehe."

"Are you two flirting in there?" called Sanae from the kitchen, "Because if you are then take it outside, Neku you can be done if you want I guess."

"See ya tomorrow then Hanekoma!" said Neku as he walked out the door, with me right behind him of course.

* * *

"Things I have learned today: castles are huge, you have the worst tutor in the world, the staff at the Shibuya castle literally do not care about what goes on, and you see dead people and feel like chatting to them often."

"Really Neku? That is all you have learned? I mean we played a great game of running from adults and avoiding people, it really pissed them off I think, but it also goes to show that castles have a ton of hiding places."

"Well I also learned that you have a tendency to avoid anyone related to you, your dad especially, it shows when you keep commenting on how if we go a certain way we will run into him." Neku looked at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"My dad is annoying, simple as that, I don't like my family much, nothing more to it." I lied, I was good at lying, and Neku didn't have to know the details anyways.

"Fine, I will take your word on that, but really if I keep standing here I will be in big trouble for not being home on time, see ya…?" He looked at me questioningly, as if to ask if it would be okay to come back.

"Hmm, tomorrow I should focus on my lessons, but how about in three days?" I smiled.

"Great, I will just head for the big looming castle to find my way back here then, haha." With that, he took off, and I watched him go, sitting on the grass, even after he was out of sight, a fond smile still on my face.

That is, until my dad found me.

"Well, don't you look happy for someone who skipped out on the lessons I so very kindly pay for. Tell me again why I keep you around please?" said he, grabbing my arm and pulling me up and into a standing position.

"You keep me around because if you didn't I would be able to leave and tell everyone how I am actually the eldest of the kids, messing up your line, and causing general chaos, so you keep me here to protect yourself. Which is why I suggest keeping me happy, otherwise I might just leave."

"You little brat! You seem to have the idea in your head that you are important, but one wrong move and I swear I will abandon you, make you wish you had never been born at all." He tossed me to the ground again, but I stood back up,feeling the sting in my hands from the impact.

"Actually, I am fully expecting to have more fun in death than in life, currently though I am trying to find someone to join me. In other news I made a friend today, despite you telling me that it was a hopeless case."

"Well I hope you and that orange haired kid had fun today, after all I am going to see to it that you and him don't spend more time together, because you will most assuredly screw up this too. Really I am just trying to save you the pain."

I stood there silently. What if I really did do something to screw up my new friendship with Neku? I could easily do that, I had done it before when I tried to make friends, I ruined everything and everyone I touched according to my dad, and the evidence supporting this all held up.

Still, even as I was dragged to my room and tossed into it, I resolved to find another way to spend my time with Neku, after all, I hadn't screwed this up yet and I wanted to at least try to do something right for a change. Eventually, though my thoughts wandered, sleep came to me, and it all faded away as I entered a dream.


	2. Nicknames Abound

"Hey Yoshiya, why did you wanna go to my house anyways? Wouldn't you rather be in your castle?"

I sighed, we were both sitting in Neku's room, on the floor chatting. "Today just doesn't feel like the right day, and besides, I wanted to see your house."

"My house isn't really all that special, as you can tell, rather plain and boring really. Your castle is huge though."

"Just… Just believe me when I say that today your house is a better place than mine today. My dad is busy and I would have been out of the house anyways."

"Alright, I will trust you Joshua-I mean Yoshiya, sorry, I misspoke, hehe." Neku looked away from me, and I just chuckled.

"Nah, don't worry about it, Joshua is a cool name too, if you want you can call me that." I grinned at him, winking.

"Okay then, I will call you Joshua, maybe just Josh, it suits you."

"Haha, maybe I should call you Nekky now too, if we are giving each other nicknames." That got him laughing, while I sprawled out on my back on his floor.

"Go right ahead, not like it is that different after all, heh." I could have sworn that he looked a bit embarrassed by it though, as he laid down by me.

"Oh? I mean it is only our second meeting and we are already giving each other nicknames, we are moving quickly aren't we Nekky?"

"Hahaha, well, I mean we are friends Josh, and friends tend to have nicknames for each other, I wouldn't get too eager on only our second meeting after all."

"Oh come now Nekky, we could _totally_ get along that way too you know."

"For all your flirting I think that you, Josh, should really learn how to court someone properly, your lack of knowledge is doing you no favors with me. After all, I am sure that you will want to marry a good woman someday, and you can only gain one after courting her properly."

"A wife? Well, I suppose given my status as a noble, even with dirtied blood, I will have to marry eventually, however, I see no real point to having a wife besides a strategic advantage in the world, moving up the ladder of nobility and all."

"Oh? Well that is one way to look at marriage I guess, though I look at it more as true love, nothing arranged or only for the betterment of your own self within the social ladder."

"Marriage is different when you are raised as nobility, nothing is true love, I already have an arranged marriage, though we have only met three times, she is nice enough but I don't really feel any spark of love or whatever, if anything I find her rather dull, though most people are dull."

A silence fell over us as we lay there, thinking. As time passed the sun lowered, and when I next glanced out the window I noticed this, realizing how late it was getting.

"Oh, it is getting late, I should go, see ya Nekky!" I said as I stood and walked to his window, opening it and perching.

"See ya Josh- Wait are you just going to jump out my window?" A look of panic spread across his face, how cute.

"Yep!" I jumped as I spoke, landing neatly on all fours, standing up and brushing myself off. I then sprinted back home, taking a back door so that I would evade my fathers eyes at the front, then launching myself up the staircase to my room, opening my current book and flopping down on my bed to look as though I was reading. It occurred to me only now that I had not made plans for when to see Neku again.

Time to break out the messenger hawk.


	3. Texting: 11th Century Style

_Neku,_

_When are we going to meet again, and where?_

_I suggest five days from now, at Mr. H's place._

_Send word back with my hawk here._

A few hours later I got my reply.

_Josh,_

_That works great, I have lessons at his place that day anyways._

_But we will have to wait till after those lessons._

_My family IS paying for these after all._

But five days was a long time, I was bored, so I sent him other messages during the wait.

_Nekky,_

_I am bored, lessons are boring because I know all of this._

_Like why do I even need a lesson on Japanese religion?_

_I have grown up with this religion, this class is pointless._

_ Josh,_

_Sounds better than my lessons, at least yours right now is easy._

_I am trying to do orbital physics but apparently drawing pictures instead is not allowed._

_Wanna swap?_

_Nekky,_

_Oh hell, that sounds like torture._

_Though, I would take orbital physics over repetitive religion._

_At least it engages the mind._

_Josh,_

_Trust me, you don't want to switch._

_My tutor is literally the worst, he is old and drones on and on and on._

_Three days until we meet up._

Here our little conversation stopped for a while, after all, my hawk was tired of flying so much.

Then came our next meeting day.

God my lessons were longer than usual, dragging on and on.

The clock struck three. _Finally_.

"Hey Mr. H, is Neku here?" I said as I walked in, looking around in hopes seeing him.

"In the back sitting room waiting for you, I put food out there for both of you already." He gave me a sly smile as I wandered back there.

As I entered the room Neku's head perked up, and he smiled at me as I sat down by him.

"So Nekky, what shitty food did Mr. H give us?"

"Biscuits and tea, surprisingly not that bad. Why didn't I ever get a message back?"

"She was tired, so she slept, and by then I was busy again, sorry." I shrugged, leaning back and grabbing some biscuits and a cup of tea.

"Ah, no worries, guess I should have expected that, bird tend to get worn out with a lot of flying over such a short day."

"Yeah. So how is all that art stuff going?"

"Quite good, it is getting kinda popular with my family, and I am definitely improving. What about all that religion stuff you are learning?"

"Utterly and completely boring. Help me, lets run away, escape and live in the forest!"

"Josh, no, we can't do that."

"Ugh, fiiiiiiiine, so what about your family then? How much do you like them?" Wow I am just the best at changing topics, after all, running away is an option I was considering.

"My mom is pretty sweet, she is really good at managing the family funds, and she cooks great food. My dad is always away on trips for his job, he is a tradesman, which is why we can even afford private tutors for me and my siblings. My older sister is already married, she is about 20 and has had a kid by now, and I wish I could see her more. Meanwhile my younger brother is just a sweetheart, he is about eight. What about your family? I haven't heard much about them." He gave me a grin, waiting for my response.

"Well, my dad is a bit distant, we don't really get along well… And my mother is dead, so I don't really have anything to say about her. My siblings and I never talk, after all, we don't all share the same bloodline. And they all think I am crazy too, because of the dead people thing."

"Oh…" that nice smile dropped right off his face, and I sighed.

"Don't worry about it, no reason to feel bad for asking. Can I see your paintings?"

"Oh! Sure, let me just go and get them!" He dashed out of the room and grabbed some of his paintings, and I assume just some because there were many more I had heard of.

"These are the more abstract ones, they just come to me. Colors and lines and shapes, I know they don't really make any sense but I just feel like painting them like this."

"Well I like em! They are really pretty, sporadic, and different than what I am always seeing, you know, all the boring paintings of gods and deities and stuff."

"Really? You do?"

"Of course! They are lively and different, of course I would like them! While you were out there did you see the time?" I asked, if I got home too late I would be caught.

"Yeah, it is getting late, just a bit after five, do you have to leave already?" He frowned at me, sighing.

"Five!? Yeah, I have to go, my dad is home today and the family dinner is at six, I will message you though!" I said as I dashed out of the house, waving bye at Mr. H along the way. When I was outside I slowed down to a bit more of a leisurely pace, I am not the best runner after all, but still had to go quickly in order to make it home on time.

I made it by a mere ten minutes.


	4. Snapshots and Forest Walks

_Nekky,_

_Wanna play today? I feel like skipping lessons, and I know you have none today so expect me in a few hours._

And so I did.

_Josh,_

_I am at Mr. H's today if you wanna come chill out with me, though I have to paint a lot._

And so I did. Though I would never tell Neku how much I enjoyed watching him paint his fantastical art, with all of its freedom and daring beauty.

_Nekky._

_Feel like sneaking in and spending the night at a castle for your birthday? You are going to be 14 after all, and I already am._

_Josh,_

_Sounds like a plan, I am expecting food and a lot of it._

_Nekky._

_Oh of course_

_Josh,_

_It is a free day tonight, wanna hang out at my place?_

_And that sleepover was awesome, thanks!_

_Nekky,_

_Sure, be there in a bit, and yeah, it was cool._

_Josh,_

_Say, what should we do for your 15th birthday?_

_Nekky,_

_I don't know, I don't really care. How about I spend the night at your place?_

_Josh,_

_Sounds like fun, see you tomorrow then!_

_Nekky,_

_It is our two year anniversary of meeting and becoming friends, wanna celebrate?_

_Josh,_

_Sure, where will we be going today?_

_Nekky,_

_How about the forest, I will bring some food and we can hang out there. It'll be fun, just you and I having a picnic._

_Josh,_

_Sounds like a plan!_

I loved the forest, never got to visit it often though, what with lessons and spending time with Neku I was a busy person. But spending time with Neku in the forest, well that would be great. So I went about and gathered up the food in a basket, sneaking out and waiting for Neku by the entrance to the forest.

When he came a grinned, waving him over. "Come on, hurry up Nekky! If we don't find a good spot in time it will get dark!"

"Calm down Josh, it is a beautiful clear day, and it is only noon, we have plenty of time."

"Fine fine, well lets go then." I said, walking into the forest on the trail, Neku right by my side.

"See any good meadows yet Josh? Or clearings of any sort?"

"Nope, but I know there is one a bit deeper, and it is just perfect."

"Well lead the way then!" He grinned at me, and I walked quicker, leading him to the spot.

The clearing I had in mind was open and sunny, flowers dotting the grass and a few good sitting rocks, it was near a river too, during this time of year everything would we lush and green, scents filling the air.

But I must have taken a wrong turn, because we were nowhere near the clearing I knew.

"Hmm, weird, it should be just around here. I mean the river is here, but no clearing. Lets walk along the river to find it."

"Sounds like a plan!"

I should have been more careful, we should have stayed on the trail. We should have paid attention to the sky above as monstrous thunderclouds rolled in. Not until the first drop hit my head did I realize all of our mistakes, and by then it was too late.

"Hey Josh? I think we should try heading back now, it looks like it could get pretty bad."

"Yeah, lets go back, the picnic can wait until another day." I may be a bit weird and daring, but I was nowhere near stupid, and this weather spelled doom if we stayed in it any longer.

The ground by the river started becoming mud, and we headed towards higher land, losing our bearings as we tried to escape the muck. The heavy rain drops sent a cold chill down my spine, and from the looks of it Neku was not fairing much better.

The tread droned on and on, we didn't talk because that required energy, and all of that energy was going to keeping ourselves warm. I had dropped the basket into the river earlier, the food was all gone.

"Hey Nekky, I think we are lost."

"No kidding Josh."

And that was the most we mustered out for a long while.

"It is getting dark Josh…"

"Yeah, night is coming, and the lightning is frightening, lets keep moving."

Winds howled by us, blowing and shaking trees, the river that we had lost we could now see, as the banks had broken and water was once again by our feet. We tried to evade it but it kept coming back to us, lapping at our heels, until we took shelter under an old tree upon a hill.

Unfortunately old trees have large old limps.

And unfortunately during storms branches can break.

My last thought was that I was so tired I didn't care if the branch that fell on me killed me, but if it had hurt Neku I would find some way to kill it.

"Ommph!" went Neku, and I could do nothing to help him, hungry, cold, and trapped under a tree branch.

"Nekky" You okay? … Neku? Speak to me, a falling tree couldn't kill you could it?"

Scratch that, my last thoughts were of pain. Neku was lucky, he got away with being knocked out before death, meanwhile I suffered through the excruciating pain and eventual dulled senses of hunger, hypothermia, and injury.

Then I was dead.


End file.
